CHAPTER NINE

Laurie woke up after a fitful sleep. Her pillow was still a little wet from the tears she'd shed the night before. She stood up, trying to shake the cobwebs out of her head. She walked down the stairs and looked around. She tried to block out the memories of last night, but she couldn't. She could still feel his hands on her shoulders, her palm hitting his cheek...
She walked into her living room and stopped dead in her tracks. He was asleep on her couch. A shiver went up her spine, then she refused to let herself be intimidated by him. 'Get the hell out of my house,' she said. Nick awoke and sat up.

"Laur, I'm sorry," he started to say.

"Don't talk to me. Get off my couch, out of my house, and away from me now Nickolas."

"Please baby," he made the mistake of saying.

"Baby? I am NOT your girlfriend anymore Nick. Get out," she hissed.

"Laurie, listen to me please-"

"OUT!" she screamed.

Nick stood up and walked past her, purposely brushing his arm against hers. She closed her eyes, and refused to let tears escape them. She listened to the door close and sat down on her couch, immediately standing up. She didn't even want to be where he had been. He knew she hated drunken men. Her first stepfather had made sure of that. Every night he'd come home drunk and ready for a fight. She would be awake at three in the morning arguing on her mother's defense when she was seven. She'd yell and scream, just like she had done with Nick last night. The ringing of her phone caused her to push the thoughts away.

"Hello?" she said.

"Laurie? Babygirl?" a man on the other end said.

Laurie's eyes opened wide as she recognized the voice and the nickname. "A.J.?" she squeaked.

"Hey. Is everything ok? I got a call from Brian a minute ago. I wanted to call you" he told her.

"Yea, I guess. I just kicked him off my couch. I guess he stayed the night. I'm glad he did though. He could have gotten hurt," she admitted. She'd missed Alex. He was the one she was closest to, other than Nick. It was great just to hear his voice again.

"I'm sorry. Someone should have told you, but we couldn't get in contact with you, because the only time Nick mentioned you was when he was drunk, and we couldn't get your number from him, and-" A.J. explained in one breath.

"Alex, it's ok. I understand. I had to get Brian's number out of Nick's wallet last night. I understand,' she told him.

"You had to get it from his wallet? I bet Nick liked that," A.J. said.

"Oh yea, a little too much, I'm afraid," she said to him.

"He didn't hurt you or anything, did he?" A.J. asked her.

"No.  He cornered me and pushed my shoulders into the wall, but he didn't hurt me."

"What did you do?"

Laurie paused. "I slapped him Alex. I can't believe I slapped him. I mean, he probably wouldn't have hurt me. I shouldn't have slapped him," Laurie said, ashamed of herself.

"Hey,you did what you had to do. He," A.J. hesitated, thinking about what he'd say next. "He has a lot of frustration and anger toward..." he trailed off.

"Toward me. You can say it A.J. I know it. And it's more than anger. He hates me. He told me so last night," Laurie whispered.

"He didn't mean it Laur. That was the alcohol talking."

"A drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts Alex. It's alright, I can deal with him hating me. It's fine," she assured him. At that moment, she hated Nick too. She'd be fine with him hating her.

Nick walked through his door. He'd been stupid to go to her house. He had been stupid to argue with her. He'd been even more stupid to corner her. He looked at a picture of them he had in his wallet. He looked at the woman that he'd learned to hate because he'd been condemned to love her. He didn't truly hate her until he got drunk. When he was sober he loved her so much it hurt. Maybe that was why when he drank he hated her. And last night he'd said it.

"I hate you now like I did then!"

The words echoed in his mind. He shouldn't have said it. Stop Nick. She deserves to know that it's her fault that you're this way. He told himself that, and he believed it. He'd become very good at believing what got him through the day. The phone rang.

"Hello?"

"What the hell were you thinking?" Brian asked him.

"I was drunk," Nick said.

"So you snuck onto her property and harassed her? Nick, it was wrong and you know it."

"You don't know half of what I'm going through!" Nick screamed. "It's her fault that I'm this way! She deserved to know that!"

"It's not her fault! She'd moved on.  It's your problem if you can't, not hers," Brian scolded.

"So you're going to take her side? Go ahead. I don't need anyone to understand!" Nick said, slamming the phone down.  Brian had sided with Laurie. Fine. He could handle himself just fine alone.

"I'll leave, again, 'cause I've been waiting in vain,
'Cause you're so in love with yourself
If I say, my heart is sore
Sounds like a cheap metaphor,
So I won't repeat it no more,"

"Poem to a Horse" by Shakira

Laurie sang to a C.D. as she cleaned up her kitchen. Nick had left it in chaos when he'd looked for alcohol. It looked like she felt. She could say she hated Nick all she wanted, and sometimes she did. But somewhere she still loved him. That's where she and Nick we different:

She couldn't pretend she wasn't still in love.