I sighed as I lay on my back on the tour bus I was staying on. I decided at the last minute to jump on Aaron's tour, mainly because I didn't want to go home and be around Ben. The crowd was one that no words could describe, I could never really put into words how I felt when I was on tour.

"Hey Shell! You in here?"

"Yeah!" I shouted out hoping whoever it was could hear me.

"Want some company?" Nick asked walking into the rec room of the bus which was where I was lounging out at the moment.

"Sure," I said with a smile. I was really enjoying the extra time with Nick even if it was causing me to fall for him even more.

Nick smiled and sat on the floor facing me, "So how are you enjoying the tour?"

I shrugged, "Its ok. I must say though I think he has more devoted girls then you do."

"Hey now I resent that," he said lightly hitting me.

"What was that for?" I asked laughing.

Nick shrugged, "Because you're right but you know what."

"What?" I asked sitting up a little to look at him better.

"I'm fine with it just as long as I have the devotion of one girl in particular."

I smiled as I leaned down and kissed his lips softly, "Well you just might."

At that moment the bus jerked to a stop and one of the bodyguards shouted that it was a food stop.

"Want me to get you something?" Nick asked as he stood.

"That would be wonderful," I said softly. "It just means that I don't have to move."

Nick smiled, "Ok I'll be back," he said as he leaned down and kissed my cheek softly before he disappeared to the front of the bus.

I sighed softly knowing that I was head over heels for him but still in a way connected to Ben. I just didn't know how to break it off with Ben. It was killing me because I hated hiding my feelings for Nick from everyone but if I wanted to stay alive I had to.

It was late at night and everyone was sleeping but me. I couldn't sleep beings my mind was just going a mile a minute. When I get like this the only thing I can possibly do is write in my diary...which means a song is sure to follow...

 

Jan 15th 2002

Today isn't the best day. If only he wasn't so damn attractive. If only I could be just a little bit stronger. Maybe my problem isn't Nick...no in fact my problem isn't Nick... he's the least of my problems...my problem is Ben. If only I wasn't so scared to leave him. Maybe I would have the strength if Nick wasn't with the girl he is with. Maybe just maybe I would be able to keep my head from spinning when he was near if I knew that there was nothing between us, which is a complete lie. I know there is so much more between me and him if only we weren't too stupid not to admit it to each other. I see the way Nick's girlfriend treats him, but who am I kidding...I know Nick sees the way Ben treats me. Nick and I have been friends for a while. You would think that we would listen to each other...but I'm just so scared to admit all this to him...I guess it doesn't help that every night Mike makes me get up at the end of our sets and sing a duet with him, I don't mind it though, even it I give him a hard time about it.

At that moment an idea for a song hit me and I flipped the page over and started writing down the words that flowed from my thoughts...

We've been friends for a long long time
You tell me your secrets and I'll tell you mine
She's left you all alone
And you feel like no one cares
But I have never failed you
I've always been there

I smiled slightly rereading what I wrote knowing that it was true. Nick and I were the best of friends right now...but neither of us could tell the other how we truly felt.

Chorus:
What if I told you, what if I said, that I love you?
How would you feel, what would you think
What would we do?
Do we dare to cross that line, between your heart and mine?
Or would I lose a friend, or find a love that would never end
What if I said
She doesn't love you oh its plain to see
I can read between the lines of what you're telling me

I smiled slightly to myself knowing that this song would be a hit if I could only fill in the blanks. I shrugged softly setting my book down on the couch getting up and heading to the front of the bus to get something to drink eventually forgetting that I left my diary open to the page I had just spilled the beginnings of a song on in the back of the bus.

* * * *

I sighed softly as I grabbed a bottle of water from the little fridge that was in the front of the bus. Everyone on this bus was still asleep even though it was like 9 in the morning. We were still a while away from the venue according to the bus driver. There was one thing that I didn't like about the tours my brother did, he never stayed in one place long enough to enjoy it. I guess it is because he is so young but still, he is getting to see the world but he can't enjoy it, not much fun if you ask me. I shrugged my thoughts off and walked to the back of the bus where the rec room was. That's when I saw it. Michelle's journal was open and there were words scrawled across the page in the form of what looked like a song. My curiosity got the best of me and I went over and picked it up sitting where it was once laying.

I couldn't believe what I was reading. The words were so full of meaning but it was obvious that it wasn't finished. I sat it back down wondering if she was going to finish it and if it might make it on her next album.  I got up and headed towards the front of the bus again after I heard scuffling up in the kitchen area.

"Hey Mike," I said sitting at the little dining table.

"Good morning Nick," he said as he sat down with a cup of coffee.

I just stared out the window letting my thoughts play out on the last few days. I was back with my ex Jill but only because Michelle insisted that I do it. My mind was telling me it was the right thing to do but my heart was telling me differently. We weren't really seeing eye to eye and I knew Jill just wasn't the girl I truly wanted to be with.

"You know you two need to just confess your love and get it over with," Mike said breaking into my thoughts.

"Huh?" I said looking at him like he was crazy. "She doesn't love me."

Mike laughed, "You must be blind. You should see how she looks at you when you guys do your duets at the end of the night, which by the way, seem to be a huge hit with the audiences."

"Thanks but I think it's just her getting into the music," I said though my heart was telling me differently. Then it really hit me, the song she was writing was about me...and I knew what to write to complete the song.

"Mike please excuse me," I said standing heading back to the back of the bus to finish the song for Michelle.

It didn't take me long to write down what I felt I needed too to complete the song. I smiled in satisfaction as I reread the lyrics. I really hope Michelle likes it, with the right melody and Michelle's angelic voice it would definitely make a top ten hit. I sighed in relief now that I got what I wanted to tell her for the longest time off of my chest. I just hoped she wouldn't laugh at me or throw the song away. Knowing her though that would be the last thing she would do. I sat her diary back down in the place that I found it and headed back to the front of the bus wondering if she was even up yet.

As I was passing through the part of the bus where the bunks were I noticed the curtain to her bunk was still closed. I glanced at my watched and saw that it was nearing 11 in the morning and wondered how she was managing to sleep. I just shook my head and started to walk passed when something grabbed my leg. I looked down only to see Michelle's hand holding a handful of my jeans. I smiled as I leaned down and peered into her bunk.

"Yes."

"Lay with me," she said with a small smile.

I just laughed, "Why it's 11 in the morning and you're still in bed. The rest of the bus is up and moving."

"So," she said with a pout. "I don't wanna get up yet and I know we're still an hour away from the venue."

I looked at her puzzled, "How do you know that?"

"I just got off the phone with your mother."

"What!?" I gasped as I crawled into the tiny space.

Michelle moved so she was cuddled up next to my side with her head on my chest while my arm was around her waist, "Yeah you mother called my cell and woke me up. She wanted to know if you were behaving yourself."

I couldn't help but laugh, "That's my mother for you."

"Anyways I asked her how much longer were we going to be stuck on this bus and she said it was about another hour. I just hung up the phone with her when you walked by."

"Oh I see, so I'm just a decoy until you can get off the bus."

"Pretty much," she said with a smile.

"Ouch," I said lightly kissing the top of her head. "Glad to know I can be of service."

"But you know you enjoy it," she said lightly smacking my stomach.

"Only every once in a while," I said softly knowing she was slowly falling back asleep.

* * * *

~ A few months later ~

I sighed softly as I continued to curl my hair into little spiral ringlets. Tonight was probably one of the biggest nights of my life. First off it was the premiere of the song that I wrote with Nick's help.  It was Mike's idea that we went ahead and performed it together too beings our duets while on tour with Aaron were a big hit. I ended up falling in love with the song and it just happened to be the first single off of my new album, and tonight was my first music award ceremony and we were asked to perform it. So needless to say I'm a basket case for the moment.

I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. I was only half dressed and Amber was on her way to finish my hair and start my make-up for tonight. I sat the curling iron down when I heard a knock on the door. I sighed softly as I pulled my thin robe tighter to my body beings I was only wearing the corset that went with my light ivory gown that I was going to wear this evening. When I opened the door I wasn't surprised to see AJ standing there leaning on the doorframe.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hey," I said with a smile, "I take it you've been kicked out of Liz's room?"

AJ nodded as I turned around and headed back into the spacious bathroom of the room I had at the hotel.

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" I called out from my chair in front of the vanity.

I saw AJ leaning against the doorframe through the mirror and he smiled, "They are still getting ready and didn't want me around I guess."

"Or was it that you were just under foot?"

"Maybe that too, so Nick said that you were walking the carpet with us."

"Yeah," I said adding a few touch ups to the curls that were already in my hair.

"Are you excited? I mean you're up for two awards."

"I think nervous is more of the word I would use to describe my feelings," I said with a giggle.

AJ nodded and turned his head when we heard my door open.

"I'm here!" was the reply we heard and I couldn't help but laugh.

"It's about damn time Amber!" I said as she hurried into the bathroom and immediately started on my hair.

"I know, I know. But Jennifer Lopez just wouldn't let me get out of there. She was driving me bananas. I'm glad to see that you can at least get started on your hair," she said with a smile.

"You'll be fine though Michelle," AJ said returning to the conversation we were having. "So what are you actually going to wear?"

"Oh you mean you don't like this?" I said turning just a little to see his face.

"Hey don't get me wrong the guys will love it but I don't think the press will," he said with a smirk.

I smiled, "It's hanging up in the closet. Why not be a doll and set it on the bed for me?"

"Sure," AJ said bounding to where I told him my dress was.

After a few movements I heard the unzipping of the garment bag then AJ's astonished voice call out, "Where did you find this? It's beautiful!"

I just smiled, "If you think it's beautiful on the bed then you should've seen it on the mannequin," I called back wishing I could see his face.

* * * *

My mouth dropped the moment I saw Michelle walk out into the hallway. She was wearing a light ivory strapless gown that was tight in the bodice and flowed out at the hips. Her hair was back to her natural dark blonde color and was pinned so half of it was up and half of it was down and the ends were curled in spirals. Her make-up was done so it was light and she was marked with her trade mark star but it was iridescent and glittered only when the light hit it. She was remarkably beautiful.

"I guess we're all ready," she said with a smile before looking at me.

I couldn't help but get lost in her green eyes. If only I had the guts to tell her that our duet was truly how I felt about her. She was still with Ben, yes that was true but where was Ben tonight? He was where he was every time she had something big in her life happen, out on so called 'business'. Hell I don't even know why I chastise her about him because I'm no better. I am still with Jill but after tonight that was going to change. I have to be true to my heart and I only wish Michelle would too.

"Are you coming?" I heard a soft voice say pulling me out of my thoughts.

I shook my head softly and saw Michelle standing there, "Yeah," I said allowing her to wrap her arm through mine.

"Good cuz everyone else has already headed down to the limo."

"Then I guess we should get going," I said before leaning down and kissing her cheek softly taking in the smell of her perfume which was a mix of roses and vanilla.

The conversation was in full swing when we finally climbed into the limo. Kevin had even broken open a bottle of champagne handing the two of us a glass the moment we were settled into our seats.

"So what are we toasting too?" Brian asked as everyone held their glasses.

"I think we should drink to Michelle. It's not everyday that an artist breaks into the industry and makes an impact like she did," Howie said.

"I agree," Kevin said nodding, "To Michelle also know as Star."

"Guys you don't have to...," Michelle started to protest but everyone called cheers before she could finish. "Fine, Cheers," she said tapping her glass with everyone else.

"Where did you find your dress Michelle?" Liz asked breaking through what little conversation there was.

"In a little boutique. It was in the window and it literally called my name," she answered with a smile.

"It's gorgeous," I added squeezing her hand softly.

"Thanks," she said softly while looking at me causing the whole world to feel like it stopped in time.

* * * *

The red carpet was a blur to me. Photographers were everywhere calling my name, asking me questions... the most popular of which seemed to be if I was romantically involved with Nick Carter. I sighed softly watching some guy I didn't recognize give out the award for best male performance. I had already taken Best Female and that was a shock to me. I was up against artists who were far more talented then me.

"You nervous or something?"

I turned to see Nick leaning over so he could talk to me without disturbing everyone around us.

"A little. We have to perform soon."

"I know, after the next award, which is Best Newcomer, the other one you're up for."

"I know... just another reason for me to be nervous."

"Don't be. You're going to do fine and you're going to take home that award."

I couldn't help but look at Nick and smile. I didn't even notice that the performers before us were on, meaning that the last award was next. It took the next set of announcers, if that's what you want to call them, of the evening to pull me out of my thoughts.

"And now the moment you all have been waiting for, the nominees for Best Newcomer is..."

The screen behind the stage started playing showing myself, Michelle Branch, and a few others I didn't really care for. I couldn't help but hold my breath as they tore open the envelope.

"And the winner is... Star for her debut album Star."

I was in complete shock. I couldn't believe that I won.

"You won!" I heard AJ cry as I stood and gave all the guys a hug. I walked up to the stage in a complete daze just like I had earlier in the night. I gave the people who announced the award a hug and stood in front of the mic completely astonished...not knowing what to say. I looked out only to see the entire place in a standing ovation.

"Wow...what can I say? Ummm...I'd like to first thank God and my parents. My management team, my record label...my friends and of course you guys the fans. Without you all I wouldn't be up here receiving the award tonight. Thank you so much..." I said as I stepped away from the mic blowing a kiss into the camera before walking backstage.

Nick was already back there so we could warm up for our performance. He ran up to me and gave me a huge hug, "See told you, you were going to win."

I smiled, "I know. Come on we have work to do," I said heading back to where they showed us earlier we could warm up.

A few moments later we were on opposite sides of the stage preparing to go on. They were doing our introduction and I clicked my mic on that was in my hand not making a sound which was amazing beings I was really nervous. I guess it was because I really hoped that they were going to like this song.

I heard them introduce Nick and I and knew it was now or never. I took a deep breath as the stage went black. I slowly stepped out of the wing as the music started to play. I place the mic to my mouth and let the melodic words flow from deep within my soul as a single spot light hit me on the lone stage.

We've been friends
For a long long time
You tell me your secrets
And I'll tell you mine
She's left you all alone and you feel like no one cares
But I have never failed you
I've always been there

As I finished my verse I looked over at the other wing as Nick stepped out taking him in fully for what had to be the first real time. As I listened to him sing I realized that he wrote this song about me, which made the meaning of it that much deeper.

You tell your story
It sounds a bit like mine
It's the same old situation
It happens every time
Can't we see
Oh maybe you and me
Is what's meant to be
But do we disagree

Nick looked at me as we entered the chorus. I knew that this was completely our song. This was how we felt about each other but neither one of us could say it so this song was the final outcome of our feelings.

What if I told you
What if I said
That I love you
How would you feel
What would you think
What would we do
Do we dare to cross that line
Between your heart and mine
Or would I lose a friend
Or find a love that would never end
What if I said

I closed my eyes going into the bridge knowing that it was true, Jill didn't love him. She was just after fame and fortune.

She doesn't love you oh its plain to see
I can read between the lines of what you're telling me

I watched Nick as he sang his part of the bridge and realized he was talking about Ben and he was absolutely right. I couldn't believe that it took me until now to see my true feelings along with his. I couldn't believe that it took me getting front of millions of people singing this song to realize that I was totally in love with Nick.

He doesn't hold you the way a woman should be held
How long can I go on keeping these feelings to myself

I looked at Nick putting every ounce of my body behind the notes knowing that he was doing the same. I swore silently after this performance he was going to know how I truly felt no matter what the cost.

So what if I told you
What if I said
That I love you
How would you feel
What would you think
What would we do
Do we dare to cross that line between your heart and mine
Or would I lose a friend
Or find a love that would never end
What if I said

Oh we've both had our share of loneliness
So who's to say that we can't have a little happiness
And if I found that in you
It would make my dreams come true
Or would you walk away
Hear what I have to say

What if I told you
What if I said
That I love you
How would you feel
What would you think
What would we do

Oh, do we dare to cross that line
Between your heart and mine
I've always wondered
From the day that we met
What if I said
What if I said
What if I said

As the spot lights dimmed off us and the whole place was sent into darkness. It was so intense that you could hear a pin drop. My heart was pounding a mile a minute and as soon as the lights came up and Nick and I took our bow the place exploded into applause. I couldn't believe that they liked our song. As the curtain fell Nick took off. I followed him and stopped him before he could get away.

"Nick stop."

"What?" he said looking at me since I had him pinned up against the wall in the little hallway that led to where the singers, actors, and actresses got back to their seats after either receiving an award or performing on stage.

"I have something to say," I said studying his face hoping that he could clue me in that this was a good idea.

He looked at me like I was crazy, "What is it Michelle?"

I took a deep breath, about to put every emotion I felt for him on the line.  "I...ummm...."

He looked at me like I was nuts and that didn't help me any.  "You what?"

I don't know what came over me but I just closed my eyes and kissed him. I had no other choice because I didn't know how to put into words everything I was feeling. The moment I felt his arms slip around my waist I knew I was doing the right thing.

I broke the kiss and looked at him, "Nick I know that song is how you feel for me and it's how I feel for you. Nick I love you. I know it's hard to believe but I..." I didn't have a chance to finish my sentence before I felt Nick's lips cover mine in another kiss. It was then that I knew Nick was my soulmate. I felt the type of love you only read in fairytales radiate though my soul and I knew no matter what I was going to be with Nick the rest of my life.
 

'What If I Said' by Anita Cochran and Steve Warner