CHAPTER THREE
 

Back at the apartment Riss was ranting and raving at how not only did I meet the BSB but she did to.

“Riss please calm down just a little. I have more news to tell you.”

“Nothing could be as good as getting off the airplane and seeing not only you, but them too, then spending the entire night with three of them, plus seeing them off to the airport…. What could be better and more important then that?”

“Riss, please.” I was getting just a little frustrated with her going on and on about them. Though I was just as excited as she was about the whole thing.

“I still can’t believe you didn’t tell them that you’re Star.”

“I didn’t want to. They will find out later. I know they will. Especially since they all love ‘Her’ cd.  Now please will you listen to me?” I begged.

“Yeah what’s up?” She said while plopping down on my bed.

“Well I called Liz to let her and Court know that we won’t be there until tomorrow evening…”

“Ok…” she cut me off.

“And I got a phone call yesterday from Mike.”

“Really… what did he say?” I now had her full attention.

“He said…” I took a deep breath. “My album went DOUBLE PLATIUM!!!!”

“OMG!!!!” she screamed while she jumped off of the bed and hugged me. We stood there jumping up and down for a good minute or two.

“I can’t believe it myself.” I said when she let me go.

“Michelle this is such an accomplishment. I don’t think Britney Spears went Double Platinum in her first week out.”

“I don’t think she did either. I can’t believe that my foot is now in the door. Mike wants me in the studio in January to start on the next album.”

“You are just a busy bee.” Riss said while sitting back down on my bed.

“I will be. I can’t wait to go back to recording though. I loved that part most of all.”

“So what are you going to do for Christmas?”

“I am most likely going to stay here.”

“WHAT!!! You’re not going to come to Florida? What about your family?”

“They will understand. I have a life outside of theirs now. I want to live it. I will see what happens, Riss. If I make it there I make it there. If not then oh well.” I said as I closed my suitcase and placed it by the door.

“Fine, what do you want to do?”

“Well how about we finish the movie from last night? I know I fell asleep during it.”

“Sounds good to me, cause I know that I was right there with you and fell asleep too.”

We both walked out of my bedroom. Riss had already repacked all the stuff I bought her. Her face was priceless when she saw that I found that Howie wall scroll for her. She was already in her new ‘ANGEL’ sweater I bought her. I had a feeling until she got the BSB one I have, that sweater was always going to be on her body somewhere.

* * * *

I sighed as our plane touched down in Boise. As soon as we got off the plane we were instantly taken by our bodyguards to sound check. I honestly can say, I was, yet again, in my bad mood.

“Nick, dude, what’s wrong?”

I looked up and saw that Bri was hanging over the backseat of the van looking at me.

“Nothing.”

“Come on Nick. You know I know when something is bothering you. What is going on?”

“Nothing. I just want to get this concert over with.” It wasn’t a lie. The closer this concert was to being over the closer I was to calling Michelle and talking to her. I really needed to talk to someone other then Bri about my problems and I know I can trust Michelle. Brian sighed and turned back around. I thanked G*D silently that he let it drop.  I continued to look out the window until we hit the venue for a short sound check then for the concert. I glanced at my watch…. it was six o’clock here now…. which means it’s eight in New York.  I couldn’t help but think of what Michelle might be doing at this moment. I surely hope she wasn’t driving to Colorado. That thought alone made me shiver.

The concert came and went and I found myself lying in my hotel room bed staring at the ceiling. I looked at the clock next to me. It read 11:55pm. It was definitely to let to call Michelle beings it was 1:55am in New York. I sighed and stumbled out of my bed. I knew I wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight so I got up, got dressed and left the hotel. I didn’t bother to call detail; I just left. I went to the bar that I saw down the street. “Thanks to a wonderful life.”  I thought. That is what I decided to drink to tonight, to this shitty life.

* * * *

~October 5th~

~6:00AM~

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

I groaned as I reached over and turned my alarm off. Morning just came a little to early for my liking today. I sighed as I laid in bed staring at the ceiling. I didn’t get to bed until four in the morning because I was waiting for Nick to call in which I never heard from him. I wonder what happened. I decided that I didn’t need to dwell on the fact that I stayed up half the night waiting for a guy to call who I knew probably never would and concentrate on the fact that I now had to drive a good fifteen hours to Colorado on only two hours of sleep.

I rolled out of bed regretting instantly of leaving the warmth of it. I walked across the hall to make sure Riss was now up. She wasn’t.

“Hey girl get up and get a shower. We have to leave in an hour.” I yelled as I turned around and headed back to my room so I could grab one.

“Not fair!” I heard her moan from the other room as I walked away.

“Plenty fair! You get to sleep on the way to Colorado!” I called back playfully. I shut my door, went to my bathroom and started my shower. I still couldn’t believe that Nick didn’t call me. I decided that he didn’t call because he knew I had a long drive ahead of me and didn’t want me to miss any sleep. I guessed it was a good excuse and it worked for me.

I got out of the shower and got dressed. I put on a pair of dark blue jeans that had what appeared to be bleach stains streaked down the front of them and a light blue turtle neck sweater. As I walked to the kitchen I was met by the phone ringing.  I grabbed the portable off of the charger and continued to head for my destination.

“Hello.”

“Michelle?”

“This is she.” I glanced down at the caller id on the kitchen phone and saw it was AJ. “Hey J. What’s going on?”

“How’d you know it was me?”

“J it’s the wonderful thing called caller id.”

“Oh yeah… I forgot that you had that. I have a question for you.”

“Shoot. Hopefully I have an answer.”

“Did Nick call you last night?”

“No why?” I felt the panic start to rise. “Is something wrong? Did something happen?”

“Calm down Shell. No he was just really upset last night about something. I was just wondering if he talked to you about it.”

“Are you sure everything is fine?”

“Yeah.” I could tell J was lying to me but I didn’t push it.

“Well if you talk to him tell him I am disappointed that he didn’t call me like he said he would. Now I have to drive to Colorado on two hours of sleep.”

J laughed. “Well you shouldn’t have been waiting for him to call. He doesn’t even call his own mother without a reminder from one of us.”

I laughed. “Just pass that message along. K?”

“K.” J said. “Well I will let you go because I know you have to be hitting the road and we will be too soon.”

“Ok talk to you later J”

“Bye Shell.”

“Bye.” I said as I hung up the phone and grabbed a cup for a cup of coffee. I knew I would need it for the drive I now had ahead of me. As I waited for Riss to get out of the shower I couldn’t help but wonder what was bugging Nick and why he didn’t call me to talk about it.

About a half hour after I first woke up we were out the door and heading on our way for the highway. I hid that what J had called about was bothering me because after all this was supposed to be my vacation and vacations are always fun. Riss popped in Krystal Harris’s cd and we jammed out to the music as we drove. I couldn’t help but get excited that in exactly five days we would be seeing her and the BSB in concert again.

* * * *

~8:00AM~

~Nick’s tour bus~

I sat on my bus with a massive headache. I honestly don’t remember what happened last night only that when I woke up this morning AJ was towering over my bed angrier then ever. I didn’t realize what the fuss was until I looked over and next to me was some girl I didn’t even know. I sighed. I am just digging a bed for myself and I am hoping that I will be laying in it soon. I hate my life. I swear that it holds nothing for me anymore. I looked down at the blank piece of paper that was sitting in front of me. J said that he wanted me to draw or at least try to draw what was on my mind.

“Geesh J. Couldn’t you have picked an easier task?” I said as I picked up my pencil and start to draw. I know that J was trying to help me but still I thought it was pointless. He said that it helped him and he was hoping it would help me. Frankly though, right now I feel as if nothing could help. I really wish my head would stop pounding but I know that was my own stupidity and I was going to have to deal with it.  After a few minutes of sitting there trying to draw I finally gave into the pounding and went and laid down.

Only a few minutes later, the bus jerked to the stop and I heard J’s voice coming through my bus.

“Nick where are you dude. We’re here at the arena.”

“Huh?” I stumbled out of my bed. I swore we couldn’t be here already but when I glanced at my watch it read 4:30 so I knew we were. When I found J he picked up my drawing of a man looking at the planet Earth with a single tear running down his cheek. I swear I don’t remember drawing that but I guess due to my nice little hangover migraine I wouldn’t. I sighed as he looked at me.

“Nick dude, this is good. Is this really how you feel?”

I shrugged. “Yeah sorta. I kinda feel as if the world as nothing left to offer me. Like I am stuck on the outside of it looking in. I guess the wings I drew on him represent that I really don’t care to live anymore and the tear represents that I do.”

J just looked at me. "I can't believe that is how you feel."

"Well it is so get over it." I said looking at him a little annoyed. Where in the hell did he get the nerve to tell me how to feel?

He sighed. “Well at least it’s a start. I am really worried about you buddy.”

“I don’t know why. You guys could go on without me and you know it. I just hold you guys back.”

“Don’t say that Nick. It’s not true and you know it.”

“Bullshit J. I watch everything that goes on in this group just like you do. You guys could be so better off without me here.”

J just stood there looking at me stunned. “I can’t believe you can sit here and say that Nick.” I could hear the hurt in his voice.

“AJ I’m sorry. I know it’s not true but its how I feel.”

All of a sudden I felt AJ put his arms around me in a hug. “It’s ok bro. I know how tough it can get. Look at what all I went through. Please just tell me you won’t go through that.”

The desperation in AJ’s voice killed me. I didn’t know what to do but to promise him I wouldn’t get like that. “I promise J.”

He pulled back and smiled at me. “Just promise me you will come talk to one of us guys. It’ll help you know.”

“I know it’s just that sometimes I don’t want to talk about how I am feeling.”

“It’s help, and you will feel a lot better when you start to get what is bugging you off your chest. Now let’s get into the venue before Kevin has a cow.”

I laughed. “Alright. I will start to tell you guys what is wrong and I agree, I don’t think I can deal with Kev yelling right now.”

J laughed as we both exited my bus.

After sound check we all were planning to go out to grab something to eat that we could bring back. That was when I heard her cool sweet voice.  “Hello fellas.” I turned around and there she was. Just standing there like nothing happened. Like she didn’t even leave me. My heart was immediately ready to forgive all that she did. “Hi Jill.” I said softly.

The others just stood there in complete silence. “We’ll bring you back something Nick.” I heard Kevin say as I heard their footsteps leaving the venue. I couldn’t take my eyes off of Jill. After I knew the guys were gone I took another step towards her.

“Hello Nick.” She said finally. “It’s been awhile.”

“It’s been a little over two weeks. That isn’t a very long time Jill.”

“It is when you are away from the one you love.”

She has got to be kidding me. That sentence didn’t just leave her mouth.  “Jill if you love someone you don’t leave them. Not the way you did.”

“Nick please believe me. I was stupid. I didn’t know what I wanted.” She confessed as she took a step closer to me. “I know now. I want you. I want to be with you.”

I sighed. She had tears falling down her cheeks and I hate it when women cry. Especially if it was me who caused them to fall. I took a step and put my arms around her. “Shhh. Please stop crying.”

She rested her head on my chest. I rubbed her back lightly as she calmed down. “Ca…. Can we at least talk about us?”

I sighed. “I guess we can. Can it wait until tonight after the concert?”

“I guess so.” Jill said as she stared up at me.

I smiled. “I promise we will talk tonight after the concert. Ok.”

“Ok.” She said as she smiled back at me. Then out of nowhere my body took over and I leaned down and kissed her again. When we parted she told me she would see me tonight and walked off. She turned around once and waved goodbye before she walked out the door. I waved too and sat back down and waited for the guys to hurry back with our food.

While I waited my mind started to wander. I couldn’t help but think of how Jill and I first met and how I fell for her right then and there.

~Flashback~

“I am so sorry.” I said as I help this beautiful blonde haired lady up off the ground. I couldn’t believe that I didn’t see her.

“It’s ok. I should have been watching where I was going.”

“No, it’s all my fault. How can I make it up to you?”

“It’s ok. Honest.” She said with a laugh.

I couldn’t help but smile at her. I looked down and noticed I was still holding her hand. I let go as soon as I realized it. “Sorry about that.”

She laughed. “Don’t be. Hi I’m Jill.” She said with an out stretched hand.

“Nick.” I said as I took her hand in mine for a friendly handshake.

“I was just heading down to the food court for some lunch. Would you like to join me?”

“Sure.” I jumped at the offer. “I would love to.”

We went and got our food and sat at the table. Before I knew it we had been sitting there for a good two hours just talking and laughing.

“Nick I have been looking all over for you.”

I looked up from Jill to see Brian standing there. I then glanced at my watch. That is when I noticed all the time that had past since we sat down. “I am so sorry dude. I must’ve lost track of time or something.”

Brian looked at Jill then back at me. “It’s ok. I guess that you don’t want to go see that movie now do you.”

“Sure I am up for it.” I said.

“I will see you later Nick.” Jill said as she stood up. I looked at her. 

“Ok.” She reached out and handed me a folded piece of paper and walked off. I looked at Brian. “Let’s go dude.”

~A few months later~

“Nick you look fine.” Jill said patiently waiting at the bottom of the stairs. “Let’s go already.”

I sighed as I looked one more time in the mirror to make sure that my tie was on right. I chuckled a little. She was the cutest when she was impatient. When I got downstairs I kissed her cheek lightly. “I am sorry but I want to look my best for you.”

She laughed at me. “Nick you already do. Now let’s go.”

I smiled. In just three months of talking and one week of dating I have fallen for her. The only thing that I didn’t understand is why she never let me see her apartment. I never pressed the point anymore because it always ended with us fighting and I couldn’t stand that…

“Food’s here!”

I snapped out of my thoughts and looked up to see the guys walking back in with food. I sighed, a little as they jumped back on stage and took a seat on the floor. I joined them.

“So what is going on with you and Jill?” a curious AJ asked.

“I don’t know. She wants to work things out.”

“So are you going to?” Brian asked the concern apparent in his voice.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I told her that we would discuss it later on tonight after the concert.”

“That is the first good decision I have heard you say yet this tour.” Kev said laughing lightly. The rest of the guys followed suit.

“Hey I recent that. I can make smart decisions when I want to.”

That just made the guys laugh even harder. I sighed and just finished my food. Sometimes I couldn’t stand to be around them because they reminded me so much of four older brothers and with my family I didn’t need that.

* * * *

“Won’t the guys be so surprised to see us?” I said to Riss while she got ready for our drive.

“I guess. I can’t believe you haven’t at least called them to let them know.”

“No way. That takes the fun out of it.” I said while I put the finishing touches on my makeup. “Besides we don’t want to let Liz know what is going on until we get there.”

“I guess.” Riss sighed.

“Look, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“It’s not that Shell.”

“Then what the hell is it? You have been moping around here since I came up with the idea of going to Utah and seeing them.” I said as I turned to face her while she finished her hair and sat down so I can do her makeup.

“I don’t know. I just don’t feel that this is such a good idea. I mean you have been talking about Nick constantly since we met them in New York. I just don’t want you to get your hopes up for them to come crashing down.”

“Please. I already know that me and him don’t have a future. Besides…. “I turned and looked in the mirror. “I am totally not his type.”

“Just be careful Shell.”

“Riss don’t worry about me. Now hold still so I can get your makeup done so we can go.”

“Fine.” She giggled as I started on her makeup.

“You guys ready yet?” Liz called from her bedroom.

“Yeah I am just finishing up Riss’s makeup then we can head out of here.” I called out to her while I finished up the light makeup job that Riss wanted. “Let’s go.” I said as I bounded out of the bathroom and into Liz’s room. I couldn’t help but be just a little bit excited because I really wanted to see the guys.

The trip to Utah wasn’t bad beings we blared music and goofed off all the way there. When we got to the Delta Center I set off to find Marcus, knowing that he would let us back stage once he found out that I was there. It didn’t take me long to hut him down once I finally found some nice tech person to corporate with me.

“Michelle what are you doing here!?” Marcus exclaimed when he walked up to where I was standing.

I giggled as I gave him a hug. “Well I decided to come and see the guys. I know that they aren’t expecting me so it’s a surprise both for them and for my friend Liz.”

He laughed. “Well I can get you in and backstage if that is what you want.”

“Marcus I love you.” I said as I gave him a huge hug.

He laughed. “Well let’s go get you all situated.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.” I smiled as I followed him to the ticket booth. It didn’t take him long to get us passes to clear us backstage or get us tickets for the show. I thanked him, grabbed the girls and went in to the venue for the beginning act.